~living this beautiful messy life~




Again – it feels like the Universe is throwing me yet another lesson – because no matter how many it has thrown me in the last couple of years – I keep pushing the lessons to the side – and blindly bumbling on – seemingly oblivious to what is trying to be taught to me.

I hope this season that I am in right now – isn’t yet another lesson I will push to the side and ignore – for I know what the lesson is, and I know what is required of me to move toward that which I need to be doing – but still I hold off – perhaps paralysed
by my own fears of the ‘what ifs’ of what my Life might look like in the future – if I’m wrong…

Jut over two years ago, I wrote a post called “those that inspire”, about how happy I was that my friend whom had worked with me at the time, had managed to take the bull by the horns, resign from our workplace, and follow her dream of making delicious cakes for local folks and eateries.

Only a few short weeks after resigning and throwing herself full force into her new business – she and her family were thrown into the depths of despair when her husband was diagnosed with an aggressive form of liver cancer…

For the last two years and two months, they have trialled a number of treatments, he has endured multiple surgeries – and at times – he appeared to be improving.

His Wife – my sweet darling brave friend – has been his rock throughout.

She has held that family together in a way that one can only marvel at.
She has lost a lot of herself in that process – but she wouldn’t have it any other way…

And somehow – throughout it all – she helped her son start a new business, she helped her daughter run her bridal business, she supported her youngest daughter through her dreams and she cooked for and grew her own business

Less than a month ago – the whole family including children, partners, and their beloved grandchild – took the trip of a lifetime to Central Australia.

I (and others) took such delight in scrolling through the dozens of priceless photos she was posting, of a most magical and memorable family holiday, in the glorious ever-changing landscape that is outback Australia

And while they were away, surrounded by all the love that could possibly be bestowed on them, my darling friend and her husband celebrated 30 years of marriage.

With full and happy hearts – just over two weeks ago they arrived back home…but things quickly went downhill…

When I saw her briefly only two short weeks ago – more tests were being done; prior to them finding out that they would need to make an emergency trip to Brisbane for surgery, as it was feared that one of the tumours was blocking a duct.

I could see in her eyes on that day – that whilst she never would have said it out loud – she knew that their time together was coming to a close…
They arrived back home from that arduous trek less than a week ago.

Today – my darling friends heart shattered.
Today – her beloved Bear died, and her Life will never ever be the same again…

In the coming minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years – she will drag herself forward – and will continue on for her Family – because that’s just who she is…

She will neglect herself, she will cry alone at night in the dark, she will barely sleep – but she will present a strong stoic face to the public – because that’s who she is…

I hope that in time, I will be able to provide for her a safe space for her cry, to talk – but most importantly – to feel.

I believe too, that there will come a point when the smiles that her children and grand-baby put on her face, will actually genuinely reach her eyes once again – and that she will be able to reminisce about the most wonderful man in her world with a wistful smile, a heart full of love, and an ache of longing – instead of the sharp raw jagged stabs of agony, loss, hurt and anger that are deep within her right now…

And whilst I sit here sobbing and writing – so deep in the sorrow that I am physically aching for my darling friends loss – I hope I can continue to ‘hear’ the lessons Life shows me repeatedly – and take notice of them – NOW!

Infuse your life with action.
Don’t wait for it to happen – make it happen.
Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love.
And whatever your beliefs, honour your creator – not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high – but by doing what you can, to make grace happen yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.

Life is short, don’t wait.
Don’t wait until you retire to take that trip or live out your dreams – don’t think you have all this time to do great things and live your life.
The truth is – time is ever fleeting… life is desperately fragile and can be stripped away from you in an instant.

Go fearlessly – live your life to the fullest…the time is now.
Go do the things you’ve always dreamed of; quit the job, make the move, dare to be truly happy, because you my friend, just like I – are running out of time.




change yourself

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