I’ve been a bit remiss with writing, I know, but I’ve needed some ‘me’ time, and some healing time…
The rehoming of Digby hit me – HARD – and still does some days, but its thankfully getting less intense with each day – and I can now at least laugh at the things he would have been doing at any given time, instead of bursting into sobs…
Its good to know that he has a good home with people who will love him, and that does help – and I know without any shadow of a doubt that it is better for him, better for us, and better for the other puppies that he has a new home – but yes, its still hurts my heart.
There were so many ‘firsts’ to get through that I just hadn’t been mentally or emotionally prepared for!
– the first car ride
– first time coming in the door after work
– first time going to the farm – and spending the day alone without him
– first bunnings trip
– first morning without a hug
– first sleep without him beside me
– the first time I ate snack food, and he wasn’t there, when I turned around out of habit to pass him one of his favourite biscuits.
Even something as ridiculous as my first shower, when he would usually sit at the cubicle door, and lick up the sprays of water – and he just wasn’t there…
As I write it, I feel sorta pathetic, but I have just had to accept that at this time in my Life – this is something that has been really really difficult for me.
Whether it makes sense to anyone else or not is irrelevant – and what others think of me and my emotions, is also of no consequence, and makes no difference to my tomorrow.
Our darling youngest daughter sent me a surprise care-package, as she knew what a difficult time I had been having with the decision.
When I saw the front of the package, and again when I later opened it, I of course bawled yet again – but it was tears of gratitude, that someone could be so kind, generous and thoughtful.
Inside the package was:
– deep blue flannel pyjamas with stars all over them
– teal nail polish
– a gift voucher to go shopping with
– a box of chocolates
– and a lovely kind note
Now I am not one to do my nails – EVER – but it was such a very cute thought, and I actually really like the colour – which is weird – so I will be keeping my thumbnail painted for while in honour.
And then last weekend, our eldest daughter came for her very first visit to the Farm, and bought our grandson and son-in-law.
It was wonderful to see them all, and spend time together – and they also helped get quite a bit of stuff done around the Farm – and of course it was good for my heart, and good for the emotions to be focusing on other stuff.
I am slowly finding my happy again, and like I said earlier – the times when I feel the hollowness of Digby not being there by my side are lessening, and don’t hurt so much when they do pop up – so I’m definitely “coming out the other side”…
Reminder to self: Time heals, be patient, allow yourself to feel it all.
I’ll get back to regular posting very soon – I can feeeeeeel it in my bones! lol
Take care of you,