pottering & potting

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This morning, while I’m having some up-and-about time, I’m doing some seed-planting, ready to get some autumn/winter crops into the big vegie gardens.

Will hopefully have a decent strike rate, although I can’t quite remember how old these seeds are, and they haven’t been kept in the most favourable of conditions since they found their way out to the Farm 😐

Its lovely to be feeling useful though, and getting my hands a little bit dirty. lol

Putting in a variety of different seeds, to see what sort of shape they are in, after not being looked after very well during the transition from Town to Farm…

a mediocre life

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What if I all I want is a small, slow, simple life?
What if I am most happy in the space of in between? Where calm lives.
What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?

The world is such a noisy place. Loud, haranguing voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, build, strive, yearn, acquire, compete, and grasp for more. For bigger and better.
Sacrifice sleep for productivity.
Strive for excellence.
Go big or go home.
Have a huge impact in the world.
Make your life count.

But what if I just don’t have it in me?
What if all the striving for excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted?
Drained of joy.
Am I simply not enough?

What if I never really amount to anything when I grow up—beyond a wife, mum, daughter and sister?
But these people in my primary circle of impact know they are loved and I would choose them again, given the choice.
Can this be enough?

What if I never build an orphanage in Africa, but send bags of groceries to people here and there and support a couple of kids through sponsorship?
What if I just offer the small gifts I have to the world and let that be enough?

What if I don’t want to write a cookbook or build a six figure business or speak before thousands?
But I write because I have something to say and I invest in a small community of women I care about and encourage them to love and care for themselves well.
Because bigger isn’t always better and the individual matters.
She is enough.

What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small? Just in between.
And I embrace that I have no desire to work for rock hard abs or 18% body fat.
And I make peace with it and decide that when I lie on my deathbed I will never regret having just been me.
Take me or leave me.

What if I am a mediocre home manager who rarely dusts and mostly maintains order and makes real food but sometimes buys pizza and who is horrified at moments by the utter mess in some areas of her home?
Who loves to menu plan and budget but then breaks her own rules and pushes back against rigidity.
Who doesn’t care about decorating and fancy things.
Whose home is humble but safe.

What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up?
And see so many others with what appears to be boundless energy and stamina but know that I need tons of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and swaths of unscheduled time in order to be healthy.
Body, spirit, soul healthy.
Am I enough?

What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others?
Non-evangelistic.
Not bold enough.
Yet willing to share in quiet ways, in genuine relationship, my deeply rooted faith.
And my doubts and insecurities.

This will have to be enough.

And if I have been married 20 years and love my spouse more today than yesterday but have never had a fairy tale romance and break the “experts” marriage rules about doing a ton of activities together and having a bunch in common.
And we don’t.
And we like time apart and time together.
Is our marriage good enough?

What if I am a mum who delights in her kids but needs time for herself and sometimes just wants to be first and doesn’t like to play, but who hugs and affirms and supports her kids in their passions?
A mediocre mum who can never live up to her own expectations of good enough, let alone yours.

What if I embrace my limitations and stop railing against them?
Make peace with who I am and what I need and honor your right to do the same.
Accept that all I want is a small, slow, simple life.
A mediocre life.
A beautiful, quiet, gentle life.

I think it is enough…

This article was originally published by Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui over at A Life in Progress.

back to bed

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As you know, I’ve been having issues with hip/back/leg pain for a while, and whilst for a short period in feb/early march – it seemed to be finally getting a bit better after repeated Dr & Physio visits, it got dramatically worse last week – so it was back to the Physio and the Doctor, and after a case-conference between the two – a decision has been made.

The discs between L3-L4 & L4-L5 are pushing on my spinal cord / nerves – which is whats causing bouts of agonising pain, as well as lack of sleep from said pain.

I have been placed on medical leave for the next four weeks, but am told it could well be 8+ weeks – and I have been ordered to be on bed rest.
I am NOT allowed to:
push
pull
lift
vacuum
sweep
mop
do stairs
do hills
twist
drive for more that a couple of kms (not too often)
sit for any extended periods of time other than meals / toilet

i AM allowed to:
lie in bed
lie semi-propped up in bed
sit for short periods
slow walks around on flat surfaces

I’ve been informed that due to the fact that my spinal nerve is already being impacted, we need to keep a watch out for any further loss of feeling, or loss of bladder/bowel control, as this could well lead to an emergency that would require surgery within 24hrs.

I haven’t quite worked out how Digby can be looked after properly quite yet – and am seriously thinking I might have re-home him.
It will be sad if I have to – but I want what’s best for him, and the options in front of us at the moment make me think that that’s probably going to be the best option.
I don’t want him to be confined or unhappy… 😒

I’ll certainly have time over the coming days and weeks, to work out and put systems in place for how our Life will be for the next while – including where I will spend the majority of the time.
House or Farm.
There’s positives and negatives for both!

Today is my first day home by myself, and I am at the Farm.
Digby is with me.
We found out right before the weekend – so at least I had my Love home to cheer me up for the first few days – when I was feeling very very raw. (Actually, we both were…)

Its such a gorgeous cool overcast day out today – with the sun occasionally jolting through to warm the grass – and there is a crisp breeze blowing.
Every fibre of my being wants to be out in the garden, potting up seeds, or planting seedlings, or papering and mulching.
BUT – I am semi-propped in my bed doing my blogging, and Digby is lying at my feet snoring.
He did however bring me in an empty pot…
I don’t quite know if he was trying to comfort, or tease me!! 😀

At least I have lots of windows and glass doors surrounding me, that I can see out into the garden from; and I have started a list of things already that I would like to get a start on, whilst I’m required to “stay still”, which I regularly get sidetracked from doing, when I am dealing with my usual day of chores and work.
Blogging, organisational lists for the Farm, outstanding letters and calls, long-term menu planning, and working out the intricacies of online grocery shopping – just to name a few! lol

Although I will have the ‘time’ – I probably won’t blog here much more than usual, as I don’t want posts to be nothing more than the ongoing wafflings of my ‘back saga’.
That would get realllllll old, realllllll fast – for all of us.
And right about as interesting as watching paint dry!!

Well, its time for me to go for a short stroll around the room – I need a change of position for a few minutes. lol

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Until next time, look after YOU!
Sarah

 

 

My trusty Digby – snoozing away the morning, whilst I do my blogging from my bed.
At least I have a lovely view of the trees, from the window at my bedside.
Our Darling youngest daughter visited over the weekend, arriving just after we were given ‘the news’ – and she bought a special little plant for my bedside , to cheer me up. **sob** :))

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